Healthy Boundaries Counseling in MN
Setting Boundaries Therapy & Counseling in Minnesota
We talk about boundaries all the time, but what the heck does that even mean?
There are many types of boundaries. More than we even talk about or realize in our day-to-day life. There are boundaries with time, space, and emotions. There are boundaries we have with ourselves or with others. And sometimes, the different types of boundaries even overlap.
OK, but why are they so important anyway?
When we don’t have healthy boundaries, we often walk around feeling like we are just existing. That our sole purpose is to please or take care of others. Maybe we feel “lost”, confused, or sad. These feelings can take an emotional, and even physical, toll on us after a while. We might start to question what the point of life is, or whether we will ever be happy again.
I am here to tell you that though I can understand where these questions are coming from, there is a simple* (*but not easy*) way to fight against these icky feelings. Allow me to help you see where your boundaries can be strengthened in order to live the life you truly want and deserve!
Healthy Boundaries with Time
How you may feel if you don’t have strong time boundaries:
Rushed
Irritable
Angry
Constantly “on”
Pressured
Exhausted
Confused
That your needs do not matter or come last
If any or all of this resonates with you, it is possible you are struggling with a time boundary issue. Time boundaries are even more important now than ever before with increases in technology and having easy access to work and school material at our fingertips.
Setting a schedule for each day or week AND STICKING TO IT is going to be the first plan of attack with this issue. But either setting the schedule or maintaining it can sometimes bring up a lot of emotions for people that are worth exploring. I would be happy to support you on this journey.
Healthy Boundaries with Space
How you may feel if you don’t have strong space boundaries:
Annoyed
Scared
Aware
Tense
Overwhelmed
Numb
Constantly “on”
Aggravated
Preoccupied
These are some examples of how people feel when they are struggling with a healthy space boundary. Similar to time boundary concerns, space boundary concerns are becoming more of a problem as technology continues to advance. For example, having work email on our phones makes it harder to hold a time AND space boundary. But we must because you and I both know that this “constant” desire to be prompt in responses and due dates is not sustainable. It WILL take a toll on your well-being; it is just a matter of when.
Other examples of loose space boundaries:
Is your bedroom used just for sleep and sex? Or do you allow yourself to watch TV and eat dinner in your bedroom as well?
Do you set boundaries with your kiddos so they can’t jump on you all day?
Do your friends and romantic partners know how you like and don’t like to be touched? Have you had this conversation?
It can feel quite vulnerable talking about our boundaries, especially as they relate to space! But all space boundaries should be determined and upheld with confidence! I would love to help you if you are struggling at all with this practice!
Healthy Boundaries with Emotions
Because there are so many different emotions that exist, instead of painting a picture of what you may look like with poor emotional boundaries, let’s talk about what it could look like to have strong emotional boundaries!
With strong, clear emotional boundaries, you will feel:
Confident
Of value
Even-keeled
Responsible
Authentic
Reliable
Dependable
Calm
Assertive
Basically, with strong and clear emotional boundaries you will be able to make the CHOICE to feel your feelings (something I do recommend at times), but also have the power and control to not take on others’ emotional reactions. In addition, you can have better control over your own emotions instead of them controlling you. Sounds awesome, right?! Let’s get started!
Healthy Boundaries with Ourselves
How you may feel if you don’t have strong boundaries with yourself:
Disappointed
Flustered
Lost
Dissatisfied
Irresponsible
Scattered
Anxious
Depressed
We can hold boundaries with our spouse, our boss, our kids, and our parents until we are blue in the face, but if we don’t hold healthy boundaries with ourselves, we will not be feeling too hot. At the end of the day, you are responsible for you. What you set your mind to, how you handle yourself, and what you accomplish all falls on you. Having boundaries with and FOR yourself is pivotal in being proud of yourself as well as taking care of yourself.
If you are having a hard time holding your own boundaries, allow me to be your accountability partner for a short period of time so you can learn what works best for you!
Healthy Boundaries with Others
How you may feel if you don’t have strong boundaries with others:
Taken for granted
Exhausted
Hurt
Under-appreciated
Angry
Resentful
Bored
Depressed
Guilty
Boundaries with others are arguably the most important type of boundary to have, and also probably the hardest to set. Because many of us are well-intentioned, helpful souls, saying “no” and holding a boundary can bring up a lot of icky feelings for us. I can help you re-frame this, though, where it actually is a win-win for both parties!
Setting and holding boundaries with others, especially if they are family or close friends, tends to bring up a lot of guilt at first. This does become easier with time and practice, but ultimately, we will need to strengthen your own sense of self-worth so you can decide what and how you want to spend your limited time, energy, and resources!
How My Setting Boundaries Therapy in Hopkins, MN Can Help.
Depending on the type of boundary that you are struggling with setting and/or maintaining, our course of treatment will vary slightly. Regardless, we will be targeting:
How you are feeling currently
How you want to be feeling instead
What your values are and how boundaries fit into that picture
What needs to shift in order to live more in alignment with your values
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to set boundaries, which is why this can be so challenging for people. It also can be incredibly stressful (at least at first) to ask yourself to set and maintain boundaries. Where do you start? How does this work?
Have Strong and Confident Healthy Boundaries Today
Luckily, Better Balance Psychology also offers online counseling for stress management and overcoming perfectionism! Get the support, encouragement, and clarity that you need in order to have strong and confident boundaries today!
Getting Started With Me
Getting set up with your free 20-minute phone consultation is as simple as clicking the button below. Put in some basic demographic information and schedule an appointment time for a phone call at your convenience. I will call you on the scheduled day and time. During this phone call, I will ask some background questions assessing for personality and clinical fit. Feel free to bring your questions for me to answer, too! I look forward to hearing from you!
Frequently Asked Questions
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Healthy boundaries are a set of limits that you create and maintain to ensure safety, respect, and self-care. Setting healthy boundaries can help you express your needs, values, and opinions. It also involves recognizing when someone else is not respecting your boundaries.
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By getting clear on your values and priorities, it will be easier to live life setting boundaries on how you want to spend your time and energy, along with how you want to be treated by others.
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Having boundaries ensures we are living life according to what’s most important to us. They help us achieve a work-life balance that is healthy, meaningful, and sustainable.
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If we don’t have strong boundaries, we can often feel like a leaf blowing in the wind; we go where it tells us. This can lead to people feeling lost, tired, or even angry.
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First, you need to be clear on your values and priorities. Second, you need to communicate these needs effectively, compassionately, and assertively with your loved ones. If you need help with this, please reach out!